The Biggest Losers on The Sopranos


By Tommy Super

The Sopranos is a great show. But it is filled with psychologically messed up individuals, who think the world revolves around them.

Anyone who’s seen the show knows that depression, anxiety and are central themes on the show. And while almost all of the characters are flawed in some form or another, there are a handful who have zero redeeming qualities. While all interesting, complex individuals, with realistic personas, I don’t think these characters have ever had lines with any hint of anything that could resemble a likable, kind-hearted thought.

Because this show is so well written though, the audience still ends up caring about these characters. I hate them, but they’re realistic! And I’ve seen them develop into lamer people as the show has progressed (which I dint think was possible). I still have about 10 episodes left, so they may even get worse. Only time will tell!

As such, here’s the five biggest losers on the show.

**Spoiler alert

1. Janice – As Tony, the mafia bosse’s, sister, she is naturally involved in just about all the show’s central conflicts. She plays an important role as a female parallel to Tony’s psychosis. But she’s worse…

She killed Richie Apreal, her significant other at the time, and then tells Tony she came home to him dead and cries like an idiot — as usual, giving Tony an unnecessary burden.

She realizes Ralfie is a creep and not her night in shining Italian armor, so she throws him down the stairs because he forgot to take his shoes off in the house. She then cries for no reason, and tells him to get out and locks herself in her room like he had threatened her when he literally did nothing.

She gives Tony endless crap about relatively insignificant matters, when he, as the boss of the family, has much more important things to be dealing with than his self-invovled sister’s bullish*t.

She makes Bobby feel like a terrible father, when in reality, she is an anger-stricken psychopath who terrifies Bobby’s children on a regular basis with her nonsensical screaming.

I could go on for she is the worst.

2. A.J. – His dad makes over a million dollars a year, provides him with a more than solid comfort zone. He has a caring mother who spends much of her time trying to motivate him, relate to him, and a sister who stands as a great influence of what he should be doing.

How does he repays all this?

He consistently gets terrible grades in school, and always has a reason why its not his fault. (Nothing is his fault by the way).

He traumatizes Bobby’s innocent children when their mother had recently passed by pretending to talk to the dead.

He pisses off Carmella, an often sweet mother, with his laziness, foul language, to the extent that she has him live with Tony when they are separated.

He attacks Tony, a surprisingly good father, his work, and tells him to f*ck off on numerous occasions when this man, however immoral, has supported him financially to an extent that 99.9% of children could only dream of.

After failing out of college, he works at Blockbuster, hangs out with sketchy, aimless punks, and goes to

When Tony and Carmella question his drive, he makes absurd assertions about his future, that he is capable of owning a nightclub or hosting parties as a profession, and offers zero tangible evidence of his ability or intention to follow up on these ambitions.

3. Arty – This guy is just a weirdo. He’s a solid business man and maintains a seemingly popular Italian restaurant, but (and this is a huge but), he just kind of sucks.

He thinks he’s funny, and always tries to make his customers laugh with his uncomfortable jokes about couples on dates.

He kills a rabbit in his garden, probably because of his serious masculine complex, which isn’t baddass, it’s just messed up.

He almost kills himself because he can’t payback his . This is really just sad, and I do sympathize with characters with real depressive symptoms, but his suciviadal thinking was very circumstantial, and a result of his irresponsible use of his money.

He is creepy with woman. He clearly has a thing for his foreign hostess form the way he picks on her. He stairs at the strippers at the Bada Bing with a sad desire he knows he can never act on because one, he’s weird, and two, he’s married to a woman who made the smart decision to leave him once.

4. Livia Soprano – She may be the most blackhearted character on the show. During her quickly crippling convictivity in her old age, she fails to see Tony’s And by the way Tony describes her in his sessions with Dr. Melfie, it seems she was a verbally abusive and often condescending mother and wife.

She pities herself in almost every scene she’s in. She cries about her children not loving her constantly, when Tony does all he can to make her last few years as peaceful as possible in a nice, “retirement community” that she refuses for so long to go to.

With claims about the world “being all a big nothing” and how (speaking to A.J., how you’ll never find happiness, Her self pity and negativity is such a bummer.

Most importantly, she made it clear she wanted her son, Tony, dead.

5. Ralfie – He is responsible for perhaps the most gruesome scene on the series — high on cocaine, he brutally beats, Tracee, a “Bada Bing” stripper to death because she spit on him (with good reason).

He manipulates insecure women and subjects them to his bizarre fetishes. He is a liability for the family with his drug-induced inappropriate and rude behavior.

He also selfishly cheats Tony out of his gambling profit by killing his horse by burning the stable. Again, killing innocent animals is always a sign of a screwed up individual.

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